Below are a few of the reasons why I love summer....

Reunited and it feels so good

Blue.. the color of rain, or rebirth, or sadness, or deep emotion...
   Well, it is time to use this color and reconnect with my blog to keep a balanced life and absorb the little moments. There have been so many moments I could have written about, SHOULD have written about, if for no other reason than to preserve those memories in writing. Paisley learned to ride a bike, Harper and Paisley really learned to swim, they have grown in height, grown in mind, and grown in their hearts....so many memories, so many moments. Really, what was it that made me stop writing? Well, it was two things, two little things: 
1. I became frustrated that my computer did not record the "last import" when I wanted to upload pictures time and time again..it only gave me the options of the update prior to the one I wanted..

        2. It was summer and I was enjoying spending more time outside, more time all-together, less time on the computer, less time with electronics

I suppose that as I write them, at least the second one seems somewhat reasonable!

But, now I am ready,
                                 ready to write,
                                                      ready to post pictures, 
                                                                                          and 
                                                                                              READY   
                                                                                                            for what lies


                                                                                                                                       AHEAD. 

It is in this last word that I want to look, to focus, and see where it is going.
Having children that are 5 and 3 is magical. That is not to say that it hasn't been magical to this point. I am the first to say that although motherhood presents trying times-at times-it is by far and away the most rewarding, most eye-opening, and most challenging thing I have done in my life. I have loved and tried to absorb each stage, despite how fast they fly by. But, back to 5 and 3...

5 and 3 means they play together on their own, they create their own games, they are more self-sufficient, and ultimately they need me less. Perhaps it is not less, but rather, differently. They need me differently, and now I find myself looking at the next stage. The stage where the girls need me more mentally and less physically. So, now I am off to discover what is next....more on this another time, and a focus on where the girls stand now...once I can get the computer to upload the most recent pictures!!

proud...

      Spring is coming.....all be it slowly! The girls decided to play outside while I finished dinner. They set up hoola hoops for their seats while Paisley read, "Quick as a Cricket" to Harper. They both laughed, giggled, smiled, and seemed so peaceful that I snuck out and took this picture.  How could I feel anything but a smiling, touched, proud? 
       Then, we had a nice family dinner.... spring will arrive(it has by the time I have written this!) and we will continue having family moments more and more as summer and more free time approach!

Hooray!  

Harper turned 3!

 Alright, so much has come and gone while I have neglected this site! I apologize for the lack of writing. It is, of course, not due to the absence of amazing little moments in my life, but rather to so many that I couldn't fit them all in! Well, my nickname in college was justifier and I think that explains why!! Enough of excuses, it is time to get back into the swing of writing about life, my children, and all the little things that make me happy, sad, contemplative, or reminiscent. 

Reminiscent is a good theme for today's writing. Fitting that the last entry was about Paisley; this one is about Harper. How can three years have gone by so fast? Yet, I have to think to remember what it was like to have just one child. She is so full of spunk, so full of being three, so strong and resilient, just as a little sister is, but yet so soft, snuggly, and kind hearted. She is the teddy bear that idolizes her sister, giggles with an infectious laugh, stands up for things she wants with eviction and determination; there are times I remind myself that this determination is just what a mother hopes for in her little girl. She is funny-really funny. Her delivery and quick wit are hard to describe, but I believe it is what makes people say, "there is just something about her, I can't explain it, but I love it"  We hear that all the time. Harper makes people smile (and laugh). She is unique and comfortable being herself. I only hope that she gets to look back on this paragraph at some point later in her life and remember who she is at her core: a strong, sweet, special, surprising, silly, sister and daughter. I can wait to see what she will become: I can wait because I want to absorb each little three year old moment. Our littlest one is now 3...we are so far from diapers, crawling, baby toys, and so far into little girl independence and growth. Harper doodle, I love you so much and wish a very happy birthday. 

                                                A few weeks before her third birthday

                                      Before 2 years old

 

Just after turning 2

                                                                 two and happy in sanibel

                                           The big 3 year old with her "peter pan" hat on....

Turning 5

Yellow, still Paisley's favorite color. Her 5th birthday seems as if it was thrust upon me in some shocking manner....one might think, well, I had five years to prepare, but ah well, such is the beauty of motherhood: I don't find myself counting down until the next milestone, but rather absorbing each moment as they are spread throughout each day and then suddenly, there is a milestone knocking me over! I have found myself thinking as this birthday has come and gone: what does she need for her birthday? We are so lucky to have numerous toys of all kinds, educational, creative, outdoor, glittery(of course), functional, and so on.....She has a warm, cozy bed filled with stuffed animals, babies and view of her sister snuggled in her bed, pictures on the wall, and bright windows....she has clothes(especially thanks to our friends the Blues!), and our cabinets are full of yummy food.....
It is easy to hop online and explore a variety of sites that make me drool over their dresses, shoes, hairbands (and I have never really considered myself a girly girl!)....toys that seem so appealing...so there is the temptation to clean out the toy bins, sort, and fill them with new...but, it isn't NEEDED. So, what does she NEED?

                        She needs to know how strong she is, how resilient she is, how courageous and inspirational she is. 

She needs to remember how much she is loved, by so many. 

                   She needs to be empowered, both by herself and those that love her. 

She needs her health

As early as 3 weeks old Dave and I asked the doctor if her weight was ok; we thought she was thin, despite her constant cheery disposition. The bump of her heart when we held her tightly against our chests, the grunts in the night that seemed so pained, the troubled expression in her brows, all clues to what was coming in just a few days and weeks. 

By 8 weeks old, we begged the doctors to listen and by 10 weeks, we knew. The two holes, one larger than her aorta, were causing her body to fade. She was turning grey before our eyes, thinner by the day....then, finally, an answer, a reason, "failure to thrive" was translated into something that could be FIXED. 

Miracles of modern medicine are the root of the Fix, but deep down, there she was, with that strength, that courage, that resiliency, that love....and she finally had pink toes. Now, at the age of 5 we tell her that her scar is empowering, that is reminds her of what she can endure and achieve. For her 5th birthday, I wanted her to feel her scar and keep growing.

 Happy 5th Birthday sweet Paisley. Thank you for always reminding us the value of health and life and the power of our souls.    

 

Below is what I wrote in our other blog on the day we arrived home from Boston Children's hospital:

This is the day I came home from Boston after having heart surgery. I was very happy to be healthy-so were my mom and dad (and many other people). Some say that the hole in my heart opened many other hearts.....  

 2 Years Old

 

May 2010: 2 years 2 months; 2 months 

 

The Sanibel Stoop

I can not wait to do this....the stoop to shell collect! We will be there so soon! It is raining here, snow is melting, mud is everywhere....ah the warmth of that sun, the smell of the ocean, the sight of the girls while they play and giggle in the pool, time with Grammy Janee and that contagious shell collecting. There are so many reasons I am looking forward to spring break!

There have been MANY kid and family moments that I have been struck by lately....it must be February and we are holding onto the little things that make us happy while the wind whips at 35 mph and the temperature does not rise above 27 degrees......
but, I read this on pinterest and while I don't adore all parts of it, as sweet and kind as it is, I love the line, 
My heart will be your shelter and my arms will be your home

 It seems to say it all in that one line...



via etsy.com

After a poignant moment with Paisley tonight, I put the girls to bed, sat down with a glass of wine, and began my stroll down memory lane. Truth be told, I could only go back so far as the photos and videos from the very early months are on another computer, but I delved a ways. I am on the brink of celebrating Paisley's 5th birthday and for some reason, I am finding it a particularly emotional one. I catch myself as I sing to the girls at night for bedtime, pausing to reflect about all that has happened in the last five year, about how fast life moves, how cruelly fast, but how gracefully past at the same time. There are events that make us wish time would go 

 faster, time would ease pain, loss and hurt, while other times, it is just this fast speed of time that causes the pain. I know in some world, in some way, mom can see our girls, but the sadness I feel at her absence in their life can be only partially eased with the knowledge that I can help them know her in little ways...sayings, stories, pictures....
I miss her, I miss the opportunity to see my kids in her lap, smiling with her, making her laugh, making her feel special....as special as they make me feel.....I am so lucky that they have come into my life and I just wish she could have been brought similar joy by them. One can say that Lauren and I filled those gaps for her and made her feel what I feel, but it would be different to be able to share it with her as her daughter, with her granddaughters. Sharing that I was fortunate enough to be able to do for 34 years with my grandmother....a calm, steady, caring, and confident woman in my life. I miss her, too. Oh, the woes of a quiet night, a glass of wine, memory lane, pictures, and reminisences...

Back to the poignant moment....
      As I folded numerous children's clothes that were generously given to us by a friend, Paisley looked on to see the star patterns on the new shirt, the colorful tiers of the dress, and with such simple excitement she proclaimed, "I have so many clothes I can't decide what to wear for my birthday, the concert and all these things." I said, "That's a good problem to have." She looked at me with an calm and sincere expression on her face(NOT one of 'I know mommy will like what I have to say') and asked, "Instead of giving the clothes that are too small for me to someone who already has a lot of clothes, can we give them to someone who doesn't have a lot of clothes?" 

What could I do, but feel my entire body swell with pride and sheer happiness? How is it that a girl about to turn 5 can already truly understand empathy and the simple gifts that one can give and receive in life? I hugged her, kissed her, told her we certainly could and that she could help me pick out what was too small....that I loved how she was thinking and that it was a wonderful idea.

So, as I looked through old pictures and videos, I couldn't help but include this one...one of Paisley reading before she turned 2 and one of her abc's just weeks before her 2nd birthday; now, here we are 5 days from her 5th birthday and she is comfortably reading any book we put her way, and has been for a few months now....she is interested in life, eager to learn, caring of others, and in many ways, she embodies the characteristics of what I admired, loved, and now miss most in my mother and grandmother.....perhaps that is my lesson....I can see their love and strength in our girls. 

As both girls approach their 3rd and 5th birthdays....a tribute will be coming....another chance to escape and venture down memory lane!
  

 

Winter bliss

The wind was blowing, BLOWING, and blowing...the temperature was about 13 degrees, but our girls could not wait to go outside to play together! They turned the sandbox into their own rink(with boots), the snow fort into a slide as the snow is frozen and very slippery, the trampoline into a holding area for an "ice collection," and they giggled the whole time. I watched intermittently while making dinner and smiling. The tidbit that I left out was that Harper did not want to go out much of the day due to how cold it was....but, when her sister came home, she was eager to go play with her. They have been playing so well together; lately, I can't help but watch and feel warm fuzzies. During this outing, Harper slipped and hurt her side, but she did not call for me, she looked to her sister who quickly came to her rescue with a hug and a kiss, and off they continued. It was a great celebration of winter, and I loved having to call them in to dinner...it felt so comfortable, so motherly, so old fashioned to force your children in from the cold!

A little lesson

Today I had one of those, "oh how I wish I could protect my kid, but I know they need to do this themselves" interactions. We went to a friend's birthday, not because we were invited, as he is older than Paisley and it was for his class, but because we wanted to help get their younger child there from daycare. Anyhow, we stayed long enough for the girls to play outside in the AMAZING weather sledding and running beside the older kids on the hills---and then consume some serious sugar in their cupcake heaven! Right as the cupcakes ended, the "big kids" began playing a game. Paisley was invited to play, and because she did not know the game she was hesitant. I let her decide on her own if she wanted to play. She agreed and hopped out there with the older bunch. The game was passing the orange between your chin and neck without using hands. She was first in line, a little nervous, but curious;  the orange fell to the floor between her and the girl behind her 2 times; Once the game was over, Paisley came to me with such a dejected face; not the grumpy kind, but the embarrassed kind. I saw her eyes well up and though she tried to be strong, she turned away from the other kids and began to cry. I gave her a quick pep talk and she was back in action(not for the game, but as a spectator this time). 
However, what I really wanted to say to her was, "I am proud of you for getting into that group, for putting yourself out there, for trying to learn a new game, for trying to be with everyone despite your fears." But, instead, I said there was no need to cry, no need to be upset, and good work for trying....it is ok if the orange falls, it's part of the game." Soon after, we drove home and I couldn't help it...I went there again: "Paisley, I am proud of you for trying, for being there, and for having fun despite how you were embarrassed" She smiled and retorted, "I'm not playing that game again, it's not fun!" Well, one day she WILL play it again and it WILL be fun.....but, for today, I know she needed to learn that she was not big enough yet, not old enough to play with the second graders in the same way they play with each other...in the same rough housing tough way, but, in the end, she learned, she tried, and she had fun(well, some, at least). Secretly, I am glad she is not old enough yet....without holding her back, I want to absorb as many of the "young" times as possible.
 

Happy Birthday Davide!

Happy Birthday Davide! We had a wonderful day at the pond. The boys shoveled, the girls brought wood for a fire, blankets, and eager kids. The sun was shining, the smiles were abounding, and it all culminated with many following Dave as he jumped from the ice in to the snow drifts surrounding the "rink." It was a special time, celebrating Dave's 34th....and even Grandma made the trip to our house for the first time!

Johnny be Good

I put on some of the oldies but goodies, and Harper began to "strum" her guitar, aka: her stomach. She smiled her way through it, laughing and having fun. The flash lit her eyes in a funny way, so I tried a second take, and here is the result. It just makes me smile...her expression, her dancing stomp, her belly button guitar moves....
These are the moments that can pass so quickly in our minds, but also the ones we should hold onto: the simple, fun, and exciting realms of parenthood. 



Today, when I drove Harper home from daycare along with her friend, I was asking them how old they thought I was. Well, we were on our way to a birthday party, so it was more innocent than it might appear. But, after her friend guessed a few numbers, Harper stated, "it is hard to tell with mommy's....we don't know how old they are." The second half was a slight bit different, but I can't remember her exact wording. What I do remember is that she said it with a sly, cute smile, and she knew she was making a joke. What she did not know was that she was hitting on something so funny and ironic for adults...the number is so meaningless, really, yet when you are kids, it seems so important. 2 or 3, as opposed to 5 seems so drastic. Ah well....childhood innocence, excitement, curiosity--we should all hold onto these attributes longer!

Kelsey...a guest writer

I am very glad to say that my sister has FINALLY been convinced to write for the blog.....so here we go...the first entry about her children and life's little moments....SOOOO exciting!!

Ok, give me a snow day and some crafty ideas from PInterest and here you are...your first guest writer for the blog!

On Super Bowl Sunday I decided that I would finally cast off my "working mommy, not enough time" hat to try fun and interesting crafts with our girls.  I found something on Pinterest and gladly stole the idea to make 25 handmade Valentines with Kelsey.  She loved the fact that we were literally making something that was special for each of her friends at school and I like that our Valentines will kick all of the other Valentines' asses!  I know that isn't really what it is all about but for a competitive woman who doesn't have lots of places to compete...that's all I got!  Anyway, as we were making these little gems, Kelsey looked at the one of our two hands and said "look mommy, our hands are snuggling!"  ok ok that undid me and made me feel badly that I was seeing this whole project as a way to one-up the other moms.  She forced me to realize why it is so awesome that we had the chance to make these.  Kelsey has recently been showing empathy in new and interesting ways and I find myself hoping that someday I can grow up to be as good a person as the one that we made.   

I thought at the very least you would like this story!  Honest and flawed am I :)

Happy Snow Day!
xxoo
me

Herbs....

Having dealt with the flu sweeping through the house in January(most of January), and feeling the pressures of our modern day struggles as a society who eats poorly, farms less, processes more, stresses more....and so on, I have found myself in the last two years more and more inspired to learn about herbs. Not just lavender or rosemary....because we all know how great it smells when you grow a little basil or lemonbalm in your garden, but the ins and outs of herbs. My challenge: how do I learn about these, while not A. getting carried away and all-consumed and B. figuring out what to put together to help heal, nourish and protect my family. Well, as an odd twist of events, I have been reacquainted with a book that I found myself perusing this summer at the West Tisbury farmer's market, again at the craft fair over Thanksgiving in Tisbury, and then right here in our very own Oblong Book store. Well, one would think I would have connected the dots sooner and that I would actually own this book...nope! I FINALLY put the pieces together this past week while standing in Oblong....so I am doing the wrong thing: instead of supporting my local business, which I so like to do(and have done recently), I am ordering the cheaper version from Amazon. I will keep you posted, but from what I have already read and heard about it, I can't wait to dive into making some of my own salves and remedies!

http://www.vineyardherbs.com

Harper is in the midst of dropping the nap. For other moms and dads out there, that could be enough said! Days of no nap, she is out by 7 pm without any hesitation; days with a nap, she is not out until 8:15ish. Many might think 8:15 is not so bad, however, given that by 9 I am in my sweats and barely functioning with much beyond  my tv, book(rarely), or computer/ipad(often).....8:15 is late! Tonight was one of the non nap nights. These have presented me with some frustration on other nights. One particular night, about a week ago, when Dave was on duty and I was not feeling well, she protested bed. Now, a thought you might have here is how did she protest and what is so wrong with letting her work it out? Yet, her protests involve calling me because she needs an animal, a fix of the blanket....and so on, even to the point that one night when asked why she had called me to her room, she proclaimed with sad confidence, "I don't have a good reason!" I worked hard to not laugh that night.....2 years old and she had figured too much out! So, anyhow, back to that night in the frustration- I walked upstairs and literally and figuratively put my hands in the air and asked, "I don't know what to do. You need to sleep. This is a big girl room and I guess if you can't be a big girl, you will have to go to another room by yourself." As soon as the words escaped, I thought: how would we finagle that in our little house...we do not have an extra bed or bedroom where I could move her.....oh, how I hoped she would not bite at this idea! But, just then, across the room her sister piped up, "Harper, please go to bed. I don't want you to leave. I like sharing a room with you and if you left, I would really miss you." I knew at that moment, thanks to the empathy of a four year old, moving Harper was not the solution to the problem. Just no more long naps, some more patience on behalf of mom, and the understanding that spring weather will be here soon allowing us to get outside and tire out enough for the beloved early bedtimes! I did relish the sweetness and sincerity of the sisterly love I had the opportunity to witness. A story I had to write, to be sure to share with them when they are 14 and screaming at each other!

I apologize for the lack of posting lately; the flu came to our house and has stuck around, uninvited. As of today, all three of the girls are on antibiotics....Dave is standing strong and hopefully it will remain that way. Paisley was taken down the hardest of all, hitting the high 103's for a few days...I knew it was going to get me when I spent the night next to her, but I can't sleep away from one of my kids when they have a high fever. I will feel better tomorrow now that I have begun a zpack, and there will be more writing...I promise that to myself.....and to whomever will read this.

Just saw this quote on pinterest and coudn't help but post it here. Dave declared that one of his resolutions this year was to de-clutter his life. Of course, lacking my own thoughts at the time, I decided to hop on board.  Slowly, I am working to de-clutter closets, the basement-uggh- and various aspects of life. So, this quote just struck me at the right time!

The power of dogs...

 

It comes as no surprise to me that this dog can do this, but I was struck by someone else's desire to show the pictures...what a smart, kind, loving animal.....who doesn't love labrador retrievers?!  

We spend so much time thinking about what we can do for other people when so often it is the little, simple acts of kindness that change someone's day....a nice reminder from a loving dog and its owner. 

Perhaps I just found my New Year's resolution...though of course losing that last 10 pounds is always on the list....I will try to do one meaningful thing for someone else once a month. Hopefully, I will actually do many more than that, but saying I would do it each day or each week is much harder to track and remember....though, that will be the goal.....then, I will track the once a monther's here!